I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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