How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize