so let's talk penis.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
