I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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