we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
