Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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