grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
