wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I am spending my child support on dildos
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
