Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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