sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
