Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
