I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
