He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
