Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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