Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
