I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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