so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
