i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she told me i tasted like america
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
