Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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