I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize