even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
