omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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