All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Randomize
