the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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