you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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