People with herpes should wear stickers.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
