There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
