Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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