I just threw up on my dentist
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
