see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
