i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
