Your dad touched me again.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
