Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
