Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
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