Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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