we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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