The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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