Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
