I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
