i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
