I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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