meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
