a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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