this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize