Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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