i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
