We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
