Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
