he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
