So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
