can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
