Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
