Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Randomize
