Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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