You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
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You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
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The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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