you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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