Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
