we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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