when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
