we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
