We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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