she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
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The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
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The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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