you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
