Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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