I met the friendliest cop last night
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
